Still Can't See

I look in vain. I still can't see the land. I feel I am adrift out at sea. Were the moon and stars to shine, I might would know where to go.

But, all seems dark, lost, wondering, and wandering. If I make it in time, will there be anything there for me?

I scan the darkness. Nothing.
I still can't see.

I sit back down. Depressed. I have been on this open sea for too long now. The storms that have ravished this ocean, the bleakness. Who knows? Maybe I have been near land all the time, but I just couldn't see it.

But now it is calm. Almost too calm. Maybe I have given up. Maybe I am so tired I don't even care. Alone, in the dark, far from hope. I let out a loud, deep sigh. I breathe in the ocean air, thick with salt. Somehow, I almost feel refreshed. Maybe heaven is near.

Over the past several days, I have been lost. I left shore with ideas, too many I suppose, and I ended up getting lost. Very lost. The deep sea went into a battle against itself and nearly dumped my little boat into its bottomless grave. Now that it is calm, I would have thought I could make out something. But, no. Nothing.

Have I been stupid to go alone? Were they all right? I have nothing to say.

I am tired, but I can't seem to close my eyes.

Do I see something? Light? A little speckle, a little spark.

I stand up. Land? A house? Something.

I pick up an oar and row fast. But, I still cannot make out any land. It's seems strange that any other boat would be taking a cruise at this hour. I keep rowing, faster, faster, faster. The light grows, brighter, brighter, brighter.

I stop mid row. It is not land, it is no house, no boat.

It is a man.

Now I am afraid. Do I row faster than ever, in the opposite direction? I cannot move, nor can I take my eyes off that light, or rather, the face of the man who holds the light. Then I cock my head. He doesn't hold a light, he is the light. He is the very source of light. I blink.

Then He speaks.

"It is I; do not be afraid."*

Ah, yes, why did I not call You? Tears trickle down my cheeks, but You have forgiven me already.

I will remember next time.

*John 6:20