Death

I haven't written in a while because it's really hard to say things outloud sometimes. 

On July 2, my second youngest sister killed herself.

That week was very difficult. It came as a surprise and horror to all of us. The next week we went down to NC for the funeral. Everyone came. It was a weird time because on the one hand, everyone seemed so happy to be together and we had a lot of fun. On the other hand, we knew Bethany would never show up because she is dead. Last week Lydia was here. So, I've had a lot of distraction. 

It can be good to be distracted for a time, so I don't go crazy, but I also want to think about it and face the reality full on. It hurts so much to think that Bethany thought her problems were too big, that she wouldn't get support and help from her family. I tried to be a good sister, but I keep wondering what I could have done better. 

I guess I still have 6 living siblings that I can love more than ever before. I want to be better at showing them that I care about them and think about them.