Waiting and Fighting

In April, 2014, I went to Haiti for the first time, and little did I know how it would change my life from then on. When I went the second time the following year, I began to think of the possibility of actually living in the country. However, the next year, I was not able to join the team in April. I still wanted to go back, but I didn't know if I would. Finally, earlier this year, I had strong inclinations to go back one last time. I was able to join the team and speak at the women's conference.

My first idea of this past trip was that it would probably be my last. I was super excited, but I was also going with a newer perspective: (1) that this would likely be my last time at least for a while, and (2) I wanted it to count for the Gospel of Christ. I wanted Haitians to be changed, and I wanted myself to be changed.

I ended up getting sick and being rather miserable for one day. Then I heard the "devastating" news that we would be spending two nights at a church in the country. This literally was terrifying news for me. I know, I grew up in the country and I love simplicity, but I was worried. I had just been sick, and I could imagine getting sick again. I thought of all the worst things that could happen. I imagined the unsanitation; I was not looking forward to this "adventure." But before I left that place, I was hooked.

The experience changed my life. I didn't want to say bye. I had made friends, I had lived with the people, had eaten with them, worshiped with them. I wanted to teach the children of the church and surrounding area about God and how they could live for Him instead of the pleasures of this world.

I had a hard time transitioning back into American life. Harder than usual. This brings me to my point in this post. I still haven't transitioned, not completely.

It's been over 5 months since I went to Haiti, and I still miss it, still wish I was there just about every day. I do believe God has called me there. I have rarely felt such a longing for something like this. I really want to go back, but I'm not back. I'm here, in the states, in Minnesota. I'm a college student, and I'm waiting.

I'm waiting, hopefully patiently, but I'm afraid often not. I know God's plans are better than mine. His timing is perfect, truly. In the end, if and when I do go back to Haiti, the waiting will have made it so much more of a gem. I will also have had more experiences and growth. So I have to fight.

I have to fight my self. My impatience, pride, desires, and wishes ; I must fight back by the strength of my Saviour. He has put me here, now, for His purposes, not mine.

So I wait, but I fight.

Yet there's joy!