The Fight is Over

In my last post I wrote about being "tossed about," but I didn't mention the reason for the tossing. I always did hate when people wrote blog posts about the turmoil in their lives but never said what was actually going on. It sounds like they have a terrible life, but they leave us in the dark as to what is actually happening.

Therefore, I think it is necessary to tell you why I was in turmoil.

My freshman year at college has been rough, to say the least. I was never eager to come in the first place, and throughout last semester I questioned what I was doing here. I went through a dark time toward the end of the semester and my grades really plummeted. If you have been reading the blog for very long, you may recall some of my posts, especially in November and December, reflected my gloom. But I do remember sweet moments with God. It felt so dark, but the warmth of His love filled me in a special way.

Nonetheless, when I finally decided to come back this semester, I struggled to get back into the rhythm of school and was very tired. I took a lot of naps and got behind in my reading. My first quizzes and paper were not good. Finally, my professor advised me to withdraw. That's when I really became confused.

I went back and forth, like I wrote about in my last post. I couldn't decide what to do. I wanted to persevere and fight through, but then I was so tired of fighting. Maybe God meant for this rest. I couldn't be sure.

Until, finally, I realized I had to stop. I had to lay my sword down, at least for now. I told my professor I was ready, ready to stop. The answer was there, and I wasn't going to be persuaded to change again.

It is still hard to understand all that is going on, but I feel peace and rest. I am still in my science class, so I still have work to do, but it is much lighter. I see light shining through, ways to serve, ways to help, ways to encourage.